Isn't Christmas lovely once you get into the swing of it? Doesn't it make you all feel all calm and sentimental and salted-caramel soft? Mmmm.
Here's the proof:
You see, I am nice. I didn't toast the little blighter after he killed the modem and intruder alarm. I didn't send in the boys when he gobbled up all the poppadoms and antique table cloths. I even forgave him the sleepless nights caused by his rabid badger-like floorboard gnawing. Oh yes ...
But he'd better not come back or Heston Blumenthal's coming round for tea. And he'll be hungry make no mistake!
The dishwasher was officially written off, a teeny, weeny mouse ate the modem, my laptop died and finally the family PC ground to a halt as it didn't want to spoil the lovely party. Excellent.
The experience has taught me a lot, however:
1. Extended warranties and product repair insurance does work, but it certainly isn't quick.
2. I have become hugely reliant on things in the home that barely existed for the average family when my father was alive.
3.Never underestimate how valuable friends and loved ones are when things go tits up.
So, I'd like to apologise to all the people that I neglected this week, especially Talli Roland who was taking on Amazon with a web splash on the day the PC coughed its last. Sorry I missed it, Talli!
And a massive thank you to Sylvia and Joe of Horror UK who lent me a laptop, baled me out of snowy school runs and made me cups of tea. You are brilliant. As is the lovely man at Comet who's been working for over a week in a store without heat, and got the new dishwasher to fit in my car.
Finally, a lifetime pledge of smiling servitude to the man of my dreams, C, who drove home hundreds of miles in the snow to plumb the dishwasher in, dismantle and fix the PC, reload all the software and make everything wonderful again. My very own knight in shining armour.